Work in Progress

Over the course of the last year, I have gone through so many changes that I cannot begin to describe the lengthy story. However, there is one recurring theme that I never want anyone to forget: God.

I have been transformed this last six months, especially, into a new woman in the Lord. I am more on fire for Jesus than I have ever been in my life. I can see a bigger picture in my life and in the lives of those around me. I desire to see His will done here on Earth more than I can make explicit through words.

In November, I began to learn how to play the guitar. I taught myself on a little backpack guitar until my grandparents brought me a brand-new one for Christmas out of the generosity of their hearts.

Since then, I have written more than three songs simply praising the Lord or asking for His guidance, and I am more pumped up than ever. God is so good. His Holy Spirit truly moves in even seemingly insignificant ways.

Right now, all I can think about is how much I have to say and how little time there is to tell everyone. If there is nothing else you get from this, take this: God wants to work through you to deliver His people to Him. He wants to lavish His love on YOU and show YOU  the true power of His grace.

I have been writing an essay today on interpreting the story of Deborah and Jael in Judges 4-5, but what sticks out most in my mind are the moments when I pause and realize that God is bigger than an essay, bigger than my thoughts, bigger than my failures, and bigger than life itself. His presences is sweet and comforting and that of a Father.

As I sit here typing, I am listening to an iTunes Radio station of Christian music, and the songs that come on are so encouraging to me. I may not want to write a 5-7 page essay, but He has such huge plans for me that incorporate my education and experience at PLU, and He is sustaining me with His unfailing love and Spirit as I do monotonous tasks.

Take a moment out of your day to read these lyrics:

Give Me Faith

I need You to soften my heart,

To break me apart.

I need You to open my eyes,

To see that You're shaping my life.

All I am,
I surrender.

Give me faith to trust what You say
That You're good, and Your love is great.
I'm broken inside, I give You my life.

I need You to soften my heart,
To break me apart.
I need You to pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me.

I may be weak, but
Your Spirit's strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but
My God You never will.

Forever:

The moon and stars they wept
The morning sun was dead
The Savior of the world was fallen
His body on the cross
His blood poured out for us
 The weight of every curse was broken

One final breath He gave
As Heaven looked away
The Son of God was laid in darkness
A battle in the grave
The war on death was waged
The power of hell forever broken

The ground began to shake
The stone was rolled away
His perfect love could not be overcome
Now death where is your sting
Our resurrected King has rendered you defeated

Forever, He is glorified
Forever, He is lifted high
Forever, He is risen
He is alive
He is alive

Please remember today the power of the God that is on your side. There is nothing that you can do to separate yourself from Him. His love is infinite, and His power is great. He wants to show you the grace and peace and confidence that comes only from Him, the divine source of life.

Grace

Sometimes, I have moments of worry, anxiety, or sadness. These moments are often when I think too much about the future without relying on God. I worry over schooling or friendships or family members. One thing that I seem to lose in all of the hubbub of my anxiety-ridden life is God’s love and sacrifice.

Why do I do this? Why can I not just fall to my knees in worship to praise Him that I have life and blessings and people to share them with?

That’s the thing…

I can.

So here I am. I am sharing that my life is not perfect. I do not have everything figured out. I have lapses in faith. But, something that is beyond amazing is this… Grace.

God’s grace is staggering, surreal, and breathtaking. When my anxiety seems to consume me, I can remember this: God sent His ONE and ONLY Son. He sent His Son to DIE.

Jesus.

Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life, let His disciple turn Him in for crimes He did not commit, and marched up a hill with a wooden cross on His back to the spot He would die. He took the beatings, the lashes, the pain. He took all of it for me. He took all of it for you. Then, He said a few simple words, “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.” 

Jesus paid the ultimate price to save us from our own sin.

When I reflect on what He has done, not only His death on the cross, but the blessings He has showered upon my life and the lives of those I know, I can’t help but feel important. He died so I may live. He died so I may love. He died so I may show others what He has done and so they may know the Good News and, in knowing His sacrifice, love Him and love people.

What have I done to deserve this love? Nothing.

That’s the beauty of grace – that it comes whether we earn it or not.

So, whenever I find myself in those moments of weariness, of anxiousness and distress, I can remember that Jesus went through unimaginable pain to save me.

I don’t need the worry in my life; I have Jesus. He is perfect. He is always present. I can cast all my anxiety on Him, because He cares for me.

Thank You, God. Thank You for Your gift of life and for Your love, and for Your Son.

Even though I don’t deserve it, Your grace saves me.

*Verses referenced: Luke 23:34, 1 Peter 5:7

In that moment of glorious surrender

In that moment of glorious surrender... 

          I have these days of control. I do everything my way and say everything that I want to rather than taking a moment to let God influence my choices.

          In reality, I should always think of God as I act. He is the One who died for me. He is the One here to light the way for each and every one of us. 

          Why should I do anything for myself? Why be selfish? Every action, every word of mine, should glorify Him. 

          So, on these days that I act controlling of my life, that should really be His, I don't always realize what I'm doing.

          Other times, I have these moments when I spend my nightly time with Jesus that I'm not living for Him in everything I do. His grace redeemed me. These nights when I see that, I have a moment with God. Just like Jesus' moment of glorious surrender when He died by His Father's will, I surrender to God. 

          As a Christian, I find myself surrendering to Him a lot. I realize that He is with me. I realize that He is here to love me. I realize that everything I do is insignificant in comparison to Him and His unfailing love. 

          Right now, I am listening to "Aftermath" by Hillsong United, and I'm fighting back tears. God is here. He is with me. I just... I am in awe. 

          I'm here because of Him. So, I am here for Him to love through me. When I see someone having a bad day and I smile and say hey, I'm loving that person for Him. 

          Why don't I do that all the time? Why do I pass someone in the hallway or on the street without even smiling or praying for them or showing any sign of love? 

          When I realize what my actions could do for each person I influence throughout the day, I long to show them His love. I experience His love in blessings throughout my day, but what if they need that extra act of service? That extra smile? I want to provide them with the love they need. 

          So, as I listen to "Aftermath," I am letting Him lift me out of the wreckage of my life so I may love God and love people in His name always. 

          If you're able, take a moment to listen to this song. His love is here to light the way. 

"I know You're with me,

I know You're with me here,

and I know Your love will light the way."

Inspiration from "Aftermath" by Hillsong United

Feeling Blessed

God is good.

He has blessed me beyond comprehension.

I have been feeling pretty thankful and decided to make a list of blessings.

(It won't be complete because He is never finished and because there are too many blessings for my human mind to fathom.)

• Life
• The ability to love
• His love
• The love of others
• Family - my mommy, daddy, brudder, and seester(aka my fiffie or baby fra)
• My second family - Becky, Jesús, Amy, Tony, Val, Zach, Hayden, Seth, and Lacey - You guys... I don't even have words to explain how much I love you guys. You all are so wonderful and accepting of me and my eccentricities and I appreciate that so much :)
• My church families - Lakepoint, Countryside, and Emmanuel - (Even though I do not attend Countryside Christian or Emmanuel Bible Church regularly, I would like to thank each and every person I have met for accepting me wholeheartedly when I do come.)
• My friends - I would list you all, but that would be a bit time-consuming ;)
• My choir family - I love you guys, you're the best. Thank you for your help and respect.
• Shelter, Food, and Water

Image found on google images. No copyright intended.

Breathe

Hi, my name is Jennifer Lewis, and I have issues with motivation, time management, and simply being kind and respectful after a long day.

Sometimes, I feel like the world is crumbling beneath me and the sky is falling on top of me until I am crushed and pummeled. This is a completely unrealistic image, though, because I have a pretty darn good life.

When I have those days (or weeks or months) of stress that builds and packs in and takes over my life, what I really need to do is take a step back and breathe.

Over the past six weeks, I have dropped my boyfriend off in Washington at Pacific Lutheran University with his mom and sister (two of the most amazing ladies in my life whom I adore), began my senior year in high school, quit my job of a year and a half, and gotten behind in all aspects of my life.

When I started to feel the stress building from the essays and reading and math homework that was actually due on top of coordinating choir events as one of the choir co-presidents and working at the golf course, I forgot one major thing: God is there to take my burdens away, not to add to them.

When my entire being wanted to forfeit all of my previous or set engagements for the entire year and just drive up to Washington (which would never happen because, knowing me, I wouldn't be able to get to Portland without having an anxiety attack), someone asked me a simple question that altered the way I look at my life, "Have you done your Jesus time today?"

Rather than seeing my life as a bedraggled mess full of stressful requirements for colleges, school, choir, work, and home, I began to untangle everything. Each night since that simple question, I have taken a few minutes to at least read a passage from the Bible, reflect, and pray on what I read (or simply on my feelings about the day or moment).

At first, it took significant motivation- I am not saying that I don't continue to struggle with motivating myself to have daily Jesus time, just that it has gotten easier- Jesús, my boyfriend, would ask each night if I had had my Jesus time and I would sigh or "harumph" and pull out my Bible. Now, even if he hasn't asked yet, I will start to open up my Bible and dive into His Word out of routine.

Why complain, argue, and cry after a long day rather than opening up your Bible to seek His advice? <- That is a question I have asked myself over and over again.

When I find myself struggling with motivation to do assignments for school or work related to other aspects of my life, what helps the most is to take a step back and breathe. 

Oh, and smile.

Images found on google images. No copyright intended.

Savior, Please

"I try to be so tough

But I'm just not strong enough

I can't do this alone, 
God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough

But I'm nothing without Your love

Savior, please keep saving me"

Driving along, this song came on the radio. How many times have you tried to live your life all for yourself without any help? I know that I struggle with control over pretty much anything I do.

But, no matter how much we try to console ourselves and defend our actions, we are still attempting the impossible. 

God is here for us, yet we still try to live for ourselves.

After the first time I heard it, I had been listening to this song non-stop. Okay, maybe a little less frequently, but still. Please take the time to listen to it "Savior, Please" by Josh Wilson, it may open your heart to something God wants to say.

Cleaning My Heart

     I went on a little journey today. I realized a sin in my life, getting caught up in worldly living, and I was confronted about it. I went through a lot of emotional turmoil in the aftermath.

     In this realization, I went to the Bible and came across the passage 1 John 1:8-10 which reads, "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His Word has no place in us."

     Even in my brokenness, He is faithful and forgiving. I don't deserve His love.

     I took the time to sit outside in my backyard for some quiet time of reflection. I sat next to a flowerbed, if it can even be called that, full of weeds and without even realizing it, I began to pull the weeds, one by one, from the soil. This was a significant moment for me because I realized the analogy with my own life. At that moment, I was figuratively plucking the weeds from my heart. But, I wasn't alone. He was there, helping me, cleaning my heart alongside me.

     I was listening to (and belting out) Hillsong United's "Search My Heart", "Bones", and "Forever Reign". He truly was searching my heart and cleaning out the bad. Sections of lyrics really stuck out to me and hit me right in the heart...

"You took the cross, You took my shame

Restored my life, Lord, I will follow You..."

"Without you I am nothing"

"...You are true even in my wandering"

"Take me as I am,

Awaken my heart to beat again"

     After those moments singing and pulling weeds, I turned to my left to see a manifestation of God providing for us. There stood a blueberry bush. I proceeded to pick blueberries and pop them into my mouth, savoring the glorious blue fruit. 

     In a way, the flowerbed was my heart and the blueberries were the visual representation that God forgives me and loves me. After that powerful moment, I couldn't not share it. 

     Take my life as an example... When you realize a sin in your life, you may not need to pull weeds in your backyard to clean your heart, but whatever you do, know He is there for you to forgive you and comfort you. He will wipe those blemishes from your heart. Bring anything and everything to Him and the experience you have may surprise you.